Now I know why.

Now I know why,
It's easier to lose faith,
when faith lies in men rather than God.

Now I know why,
It's easier to run to the heretics*,
when they show more love than the true believers.

Now I know why,
communities and society fall,
when people glorify self rather than self-sacrifice.

Now I know why, 

It's easier to distrust holy men and women, 

when they themselves don't practice what they preach. 

Now I know why,
It's better to conform,
when being honest seems wrong.

Now I know why,
It's better to follow,
when leading leads people astray.

And now I know why,
Our Lord and all His Saints wept, when people sin,
It's not because they couldn't change, it's because the world didn't.

*using this word might lead to some anger for some, but this refers to those who are, well, disbelieve in the one true Church.

Hearts burning like fire - the need for a constant renewal of faith.

In this week's Sunday Gospel, we read the infamous story of Jesus suddenly appearing to Cleophas and another disciple when they were walking to Emmaus. Now this story only appears in St. Luke's Gospel. This account proves an interesting relationship that Jesus has with his followers. Even when He has risen, He still shows that He is still among His people.

In some scholars' opinion when one walks away from Jerusalem as the two disciples did; the theological significance is that their hearts is away from God, or rather drifting away, because Jerusalem is the center of God's presence, being the temple and all. So metaphorically speaking, when one were to look at our own lives, how far are we drifting from Jerusalem?

Now in this Gospel account, the one obvious phrase that catches my attention the most is when the two said to themselves that their "hearts were like on fire!" when our Blessed Lord spoke to them. You know for many of us, especially those after attending a formation or camp, it is usually like this - we would be invigorated, and determined to go and spread the Gospel to (almost) everyone. Camps and formations and even simple gatherings among the faithful can provide this "heart-burning" experience; the challenge then arises later on when after being "burnt" for awhile, little that we know we start "walking away from Jerusalem" again. You see, this is what happens to the most of us, this "fire" in our hearts after awhile goes dim and though still there is like ember, hot yet just glowing; then we go back to our ordinary - to be straight - sinful lives again.

The need for - as some people say, "put oil" - is important because without the reigniting of our heart's flame, we will drift further from God. I don't mean that we don't believe in Him, but we tend to become complacent about our faith. Just like the apostles break bread and shared their time together, it is important that we too do the same. We may never be as privileged as the apostles, these two disciples nor the Saints to whom our Blessed Lord appeared to, but He appears in the persons around us, sometimes in the most unlikely manner. All we need is to open our eyes, and of course, don't be afraid of continuing to go for formations, camps, gatherings and daily Mass.

Never let the fire die in your heart. Make it burn, you see, after their conversation with Jesus, the both despite it being night which is obviously dangerous, ran back and went to find the Apostles. So we too must be like them, when our hearts are reignited, we too must run back to God, run back to our friends and family and continue to proclaim the Gospel.

Make it more of a relationship

You are sitting with her in the local park, it's almost 11pm, there are other people running around at that time of night, and there's also a group of other people sitting in a circle sharing some life story; yet there you are with her sitting in the silence, only the street lamp lighting up her face, the both of you quietly not speaking, it goes on. Every time you glance at her, you can't help to smile. The emotions shared through the silence is more than enough. 

The best kind of relationship one can have is just being able to stay silent for long periods of time and yet stay more than connected.

That is the relationship we must try to attain with God. 

The one thing that one can compare a relationship with God is a relationship with our loved one. The person we cherish most and adore and love can also be related to our relationship with our creator. It is hard to imagine or to allow such a relationship to manifest by itself but like how we love a person, loving God is not much different. It is safe to say that we can have an affair with Him and things will go as if we were with someone. 

I seriously love the quote as said by Gilbert above, we don't love someone just based on certain facts or logic but because when we love we lose the most basic of reasoning sometimes and gain one of the hardest things a person can have: faith and hope. Yes, there are facts to love that person, like looks, how he or she treats you, finance, dependability but when feelings and emotions come in, sometimes all that seem irrational. That is the beauty of falling in love. 

Think about it. How can this possible? 

It is possible when we don't seek answers, not objective statements but a relationship where we learn to understand, tolerate and most of all to forgive each other. It is the same as having a relationship with God, we learn to understand His ways for us, we learn to tolerate all the things especially challenges that come our way, and also to forgive God in a way that sometimes we lose our trust in Him. 

Learn to love God as you were to love your better half, and you will see things to be more of a two-way relationship rather than praying and receive nothing or being oblivious to how He speaks to us through everyday events. 

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This will be the first part of my sharing of  how can a relationship with God be similar with our partner, different yet also similar. 

Keeping silent - a little look at meditation.

Today I decided to say my Lauds (Morning Prayer) in Church at about 7.30am. The sun has barely risen over the hills here in Kampar and there I was at Church in the early morning. The Church was dark, the only light was the little sunlight passing through the Church's window and the red lamp for the presence of Jesus in the tabernacle.

After reciting my Lauds, I tried to meditate.

Meditation is a form of keeping silent and being one with your thoughts, to be in company of nothing but silence and in a comfortable position whereby you get to think and ponder. Many people get the notion that meditation is a deep focus on something; which is true, but sometimes meditation can also lead your mind to stray a little; and that what happened to me this morning.

Despite being strayed in mind, it was directed to parts of my life I usually wouldn't want to think of, and it was also directed to things I tend to overthink. For example, one of the thoughts that came to me was what would happen if I were to met in an accident while a friend is beside me, and another is a thought of actually completing my assigned work on time! The straying of thoughts does not mean one is distracted, it actually gives a certain kind of enlightenment to the mind. It provides a sense of thinking of a what-if, and it gives a clarity of thoughts.

So, if you're reading this, try to meditate, let your mind run wild, but keep focus as to what it runs into. Try it in the early morning, don't be afraid of dozing off, because once in deep meditation as asleep as you might look, your mind is actually running as if you're dreaming. Best of all, if there is nothing coming to your mind just "Whoever has ears, let them hear!" - Matthew 11:15.

Dawn - the sun rising behind the hills

The struggle of love

"...By this love you have for one another, everyone will know you are my disciple". 

The Priest stands in silence for awhile, hands together, eyes closed, head bowed; he then looks up and says "The Gospel of the Lord", he bows down to kiss the Gospel while echoing throughout the Church, everyone  says "Praise to you, Lord Jesus Christ" and everyone sits down. 

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 By this love you have for one another, everyone will know you are my disciple. 

Those words kept playing over and over again in my head. "Everyone will know you are my disciple". Looking back a few sentences, Jesus exclaims 

"...love one another, just as I have loved you, you must also love one another."

By reading these lines itself, the challenge by Jesus poses by itself, and that comes in the form of one simple yet powerful word: love.

Love is a struggle, because, love is not merely a feeling of affection or care, on the contrary, love encompasses action, thoughts and moreover, sacrifice. It's a package of multiple feelings that are in place that is complemented together with the outward action. 

Thousands if not millions of people have dwelt with the topic of love. In his latest exhortation itself by His Holiness Pope Francis, the word "love" appears almost 540 times. The emphasis of love from the Christian perspective is the core and primary value of our faith, because it was through love that we exist this very day. 

The challenge of love is a difficult challenge, we cannot call ourselves a Christian, or a Jesus-loving-person if we lack love. Love not only for God, but for other people. The challenge comes when we have to constantly reflect and imitate the love we have for God by the actions, thoughts and feelings we have for others. 

God is never physically present in our midst, save for the Eucharist, he can never intervene directly in our lives, most of the time; and that is where God through his love puts us in a community with others. By placing us in the midst of other people; this is where we can experience the love of God and at the same time share His love to others. The love of God comes from the people around us, whom loves us and care for us; our supporters and those who encourage us. Despite this, we sometimes find it very difficult to acknowledge the love these people have for us. The ones we call "loved-ones" tend to be part of the reflection of God's love for us. Though imperfect as they are, they play a part in God's love for us by giving to us what is necessary and provident. 

The greater struggle is to have the same kind of love, towards the people whom we call our "enemies", if that's such a strong word, then to those people we aren't in favour of, despise, or sometimes out-right abhor. Yet, if we call ourselves a believer of Christ, we can make no room for this kind of negativity towards them. That's the struggle we face as humans. By saying this, I don't mean we have to treat them the same way we treat our "loved-ones", rather, we have to treat them the way that God would, and that's through forgiveness and mercy. 

How can we?

It's difficult. To see the person who isn't inclined to follow the rules; or to see a person who goes all out in hurting others, how can we love them? We can't. 

In a human way, we simply can't put aside our feelings and immediately give them the love we have in ourselves. The Christian challenge comes in when, we have to remind ourselves that they deserve what is due. This means, seeing as to why they do what they do. Furthermore, by seeing this, the heart of mercy has to come enter into us, by going the further step and journeying with them to provide the love of God that they deserve. 

For other to know that one is a disciple comes from the way we treat others, from the littlest things to the major sacrifices we make. This not necessarily comes only by actions towards them, but also our thoughts and perspective of them, how we gossip and slander about them and also our prayers for them. It's easier putting on a show towards the people we dislike, the refugees or asylum-seekers in our country, those people considered "lower" than us in a social-standpoint and help them. But like said before, love isn't just the action, it encompasses everything that we feel, and believe. 

As hard as it is, 

"Love always has an aspect of deep compassion that leads to accepting the other person as part of this world, even when he or she acts differently than I would like." - Amoris Laetitia, 92.

On not recognising the ones we know.

Picture this:

You know a close male friend who has almost shoulder length hair, he has an easily recognisable goatee and a stubble all over his cheek right to his chin, he wears those rounded-frame glasses and has a stud ear ring on his right ear. 

Passing by, people would tend to say he looks rather shabby and scruffy, some would nod and approve it as a hipster look, and finally some might find it unclean. 

Then the same guy friend, with you having no knowledge of it, decides to cut his hair, go clean shaven, replaces his glasses with a slimmer and slightly horn-rimmed frame one and remove his ear ring. Lastly, he decides to wear a long sleeve fitting t-shirt tucked in into slacks. 

He comes to you, and starts waving from a distance, wide-smiled and the first thing that comes to your mind is "Who is that?!", you smile back being friendly, as he approaches you start to think and recall that you've seen this person before, but can't place him anywhere; he finally stands right in front of you, and asks you, "Are you okay?". You finally give out a loud laugh and tell yourself how foolish you are by not even recognising your own friend. 

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When Jesus was risen from the dead, there were more than one time that the His disciples were oblivious to his physical presence. (Just take a look at Mark 16:9-14, the infamous walk to Emmaus in Luke 24:13 - 33 and even in today's Gospel of John 21:1-14). It comes to mind then, what made them blind to see the one whom they love so much literally appear in front of them and yet the couldn't even recognise Him?

After the death of Jesus, the followers scattered and some might even lose hope, despite Him promising eternal life to them. Knowing that He had died brings grief and a sense of predicament to the followers as to why a person who claims to be the Son of God and more importantly the Messiah would abandon them and leave them in the same state that they were. Even those closest to Him such as his dear apostles too, went back to their previous lives. 

By them not recognising the risen Lord, shows that even the Apostles and closest followers of Jesus at a time lost faith in Him; lose their confidence in the Risen Lord and were mourning so much that it made them blind when He was standing in front of them. 

This then brings us to ourselves. Like the apostles who couldn't recognise Jesus after His resurrection, how often are we blind to the goodness of others. The risen Christ is analogous to the goodness of the people around us. We are thought to see Christ in all that we do, and in all that we meet; how then are we sometimes oblivious to the things that they do in His name. 

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In dealing with the everyday world, we often find that goodness and kindness and mercy, hard to come by. We are blinded by the stain of being judgmental and moreover the prejudice of someone we already detest. By doing so, we are not only losing our faith in Christ and others, but also putting a stint on His love for us by not radiating the grace which He has given. 

This is definitely easier said than actually doing it. Recognising the good in others is a challenge we all face; in fact for example, there are many times where our civil leaders put on a show and facade of charity only to be swindling our money, or when a lay Church leader praying fervently and only to find him rushing out of Mass while cussing; away from that, worse of all is to see sometimes the people to whom we are closest to, becoming someone we don't recognise, someone whom we fear and as much as it hurts to draw away from them. Despite that, the faith we have in Christ should always be open and to recognise the goodness that they still have. 

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The cheeks on the apostles' face could have hurt greatly upon seeing the Christ in their midst again. What joy it must have been to them to have breakfast with Him. 

The Passionate Christ part 1

We are approaching the Passion of our Lord, this week marks the supreme celebration of the Christian faith, for Catholics no other celebration ranks higher than this; everything central to the Christian faith be it Orthodox, Protestants or even Catholics can deny that in these celebration of the Passion, Death and Resurrection is the epitome of God's love for humanity. 

As we begin, the Easter Triduum,  - a one large celebration over the span of three days - as Catholics call it, we begin with the Holy Thursday, followed by Good Friday and finally Easter itself. The passionate Christ, shows how a man of dedication and vigour to fulfill what needs to be done i.e. his mission. 

Now we often here that passion drives a man to achieve something, we also receive the advice from people to find a job that is both rewarding and a job that we're passionate about; how often do we also hear that passion gives way to two people falling in love for each other. Albeit all of this, how often do we hear that our passion will lead us to our death? This is the case for our Lord. This is the case for all those martyrs and heroes who gave up their lives for others. 

Passion is always seen as something for ourselves, something that will invigorate and make us more alive, even to those doing works of charities like NGOs and missionaries, what drives them is how seeing how their work fuels their passion. The result of their labour and dedication produces what they want to see, even so, through their hard work sometimes failure do hurt, despite that they know if they try harder, they will eventually achieve what they aspire to do. 

Now we look on to Christ; his Passion redefines the Passion as something new. His Passion was at his own lost, to lose everything that he has or ever had for us. Jesus died knowing that the world wasn't going to change, he died knowing the Jews were still hard-hearted in listening to him, moreover he also knew that by conquering death people might still not believe in Him and His Father. Then again, what gain did Christ himself get as a man? What he got wasn't for himself, rather it was for us. For us to have the hope of eternal salvation and forgiveness; by his sacrifice, we are all brought together as one.

The difference between our passion and the Passion of Christ, is the feeling or the gain of what we get. Our human passion, is mostly for ourselves, no matter how noble sometimes the work can or how much we enjoy it, at the end it is for our own gain; comparatively for Christ, it was not for himself but for all of us, to all of us who believe in Him and providing the hope and way to a better life. 

This begs then how are we to follow in Christ's footsteps? To simply put it, when our passion to do something, becomes less for ourselves but more for others, then it is our turn to really experience Christ. This passion that we have like Christ, is a passion that will drive ourselves for the betterment for others; sometimes knowing that others will despise us, mock us, losing certain hope within ourselves or even seeing that this will yield no fruit; yet we continue to carry on - is the Passion similar to Christ. 

ASK-ing back

It was during one of the newly elected committee meeting back in 2013, the thirteen of us sat around in a circle in the house's living room on a Thursday evening, the announcement by the then-chairperson Jude was made; we are going to organise the Catholic Student's Society 2nd Annual camp. It was there that Jude and Vincent, the vice chairperson announced the organising committee to which would execute the society's biggest annual event. The camp itself wasn't only a point of interest but the journey towards it was what defined how it turned out. 

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Looking back to two years ago, the ASK camp; a name which was decided after a long discussion among ourselves, made me realise how complicated and tough it was leading a group of people whom we sometimes refer to as a family away from home. The indelible mark on our souls and mind left by the camp's journey was a lesson for the fifteen of us to realise that working together for a greater purpose isn't as easy as it was; the challenge, I can say for myself, was that despite organising a camp, we constantly had to keep in mind that the camp was for a greater purpose - to spread the love and message of God. 

The ASK camp was carried out with respect to the Gospel reading of Matthew chapter 7 verses seven to eight; because of the acronym that the word ASK itself represented, besides that, it was a challenge for us to search of what we are asking for, searching for and to which door we ought to knock. To that, the question we asked was about our human purpose in life through God's divine plan in which we spoke about our human body (referencing to St. John Paul II's Theology of the Body). The  "seek-ing" was about what in life that we can search for and how do we attain happiness and joyfulness through Christ. The door which we knock was about the source and summit  of our Christian life - the very sacrifice of Jesus, celebrated every day - the Mass. 

The camp opened up a vista of events that after going through it made me realise that the intentions of the heart if not properly shown by our words and action will only bring a misunderstanding amongst the one we love. The camp as I have seen it was an invitation to really understand that believing in your faith is as important as living it out; I was blessed to have worked with a team which was not only eager to learn about things beyond themselves but also the tolerance and forgiveness they had between and for each other. 

I'm going to be honest and say that working together for a camp in the name of Christ is one of the hardest and most challenging things one can face. First of all, no matter how hard we have to work with the pressure of our studies and social life, we have to put aside what extra time we had for the camp. Secondly, no matter how much we abhorred the work ethics of our fellow friends, we had to continue and  remind ourselves that what we work for is for the greater good. Thirdly, only after working together we realise that some relationships will change after this and it might be hard returning to the way things were. All the nights of discussion and preparation, all the long meetings and the multitude of laughter and tears, was a shared experience we had in growing towards a betterment of ourselves. 

Looking back at 2013 up till the camp in the following year, made me realise how we the CSS was still a community that was very much in growth - suffice to say that what we face today by the newer members of this family will never know the difference in struggle we had a few years back. 

Throughout the time working for this camp, relationship with one another grew stronger and the opposite too occurred. Then again, what is life without its ups and downs? The end result of it was that I believe each one of us, grew in faith and in trust for the Lord. 

Though it has been two years since, I would still like to thank the amazing team which God had put in place; from Megan, whom was wise to see the things that I couldn't see, to Jude and Sarah whose  lesson was that patience will lead to honesty, to Cynthia, whom God has taught to grow and taught me that each one of us are gifted, to Jasreena and Cecilia, whose perseverance taught me to trust God more, to Calista and Emily, whose child-like joy and optimism brought brightness to the group, to Matilda,  that any idea is worth sharing and to be discerned. To Christopher, whom taught me that perspective of how and what things are vital to getting things done; to Vincent, who showed me that once promising to something we stand by it till the end; to Nicholas and Samantha, who showed me that practice leads to new ideas and from new ideas to sometimes surprising ourselves; and Samuel, who taught me that all of us will always have room to learn. 

All in all, each one of them taught me that love of Christ surpasses all (Eph 3:19) the challenges and hardships which we endure. Furthermore that sometimes not only what the mouth speaks shows what the heart is full (Luke 6:45) but our actions and reactions matter just as much. 

This picture was added because notice that the mattress is mid-air.

Lent for UTARians

Lent is tomorrow! This marks the beginning of a 40-day period of trying to increase our holiness and piousness; but Lent is not all that grim, in fact it gives us the hope to look forward to the risen Christ and a second chance for us to restart our new year's resolution. 

Being a UTAR student in Kampar provides us with the opportunity of being tempted only for us to overcome those temptation and through those actions making us stronger in our relationship with God and with others. We call ourselves a family because of the faith that we share with one another and the support we provide, and "inspiring each of us to love our neighbour and devote ourselves what the Church's tradition call the spiritual and corporal works of mercy"1. 

Below then is a list of what we can do for Lent, take note that this is just a guideline and has nothing to do with anything official but there's a guarantee that following some of it will make your Lent a little more meaningful this semester. In no particular order, here goes!

1. Go for the Way of the Cross on Fridays
2. Pray with a friend
3. Proudly do the Sign of the Cross before every meals
4. Less binge watching anime, sitcoms, dramas or any of our favourite TV series
5. Teh tarik kurang manis or better yet teh kosong
6. Which take us to - less mamak sessions
7. Less DOTA! (or LoL, or HoN)
8. Walk to campus and enjoy the morning sunrise
9. Start on your assignment as soon as you get it. 
10. Volunteer to print one set of notes for your friend
11. Join either Tuesday's or Thursday's weekly gathering
12. Say "Hi" and have a conversation with another member whom you never speak to
13. Invite a fellow Catholic for Mass (if he/she rarely goes)
14. Invite a non-Catholic for any of CSS's activities
15. Save an extra Ringgit to put in the collection bag every Sunday
16. No eating that just-fried fried chicken. Instead buy it for another person.
17. Support a completely unrelated (meaning not because they are your friend's or because of your course) society's event on campus
18. Give an honest hug to someone who might need it after Sunday Mass
19. Volunteer at the soup kitchen on Saturdays at Church
20. Greet and smile at the campus cleaners, if you're brave enough strike a conversation with them, you'll be surprised
21. DON'T SIGN YOUR FRIEND'S ATTENDANCE or ask a friend to sign for you
22. Call your parents more often
23. Read a spiritual book or article (for starters you can start with Evangelii Gaudium or any Pope's message to youths)
24. Pick up random rubbish on the pathway while you're heading to Block C or Block K
25. Offer a ride (if you have a car) to someone who's walking under the hot sun or when it starts to rain
26. Say thank you to your lecturers after class
27. No Maggi or Ramen or Mamee!
28. No side comments on people you don't know
29. Save that extra ringgit for the Lenten Love Squad
30. Save another extra ringgit for another charity outside of Church
31. Practice recycling
32. Lessen on going to the CC (Cyber cafe)
33. Go to Confession NOT only during the Penitential service at Church
34. Start a conversation with Uncle Lawrence or Uncle John Lau (our van drivers) or whomever that picks us up at Bus Stop 3
35. No skipping classes
36. No MCs!
37. Forgive your assignment-mate if he or she slacks
38. Smile more at people
39. Start with the minimum of saying thank you to Jesus before going to sleep
40. Don't sleep during class
41. Keep your handphone in your pocket during meals with friends and ESPECIALLY DURING MASS
42. For a change join the Tuesday's CSS gathering (if you go on Thursdays) or vice versa; you'll discover something new
43. Enjoy the sunset
44. Sweep your house's common area
45. Surprise your friend with a meal
46. Fast on Fridays
47. Honestly pray for a friend who might need it
48. Volunteer to visit the Orang Asal or migrants with Sister Amy from time to time
49. Lessen on streaming videos on your home internet
50. After Mass go to either those outside your circle or aunties or uncles and wish them a good week ahead.

The list might go on and on, basically there are numerous little things we can do this Lent; in fact we're lucky to be in UTAR where there are a lot of options for us to learn about our faith, and to "increase our measure of authenticity as disciples of Jesus, and our credibility as Christians in today's world"2. Don't neglect Lent and brush it off as another rigid thing the Catholic Church practices, in fact take it as a personal challenge to make ourselves as better disciples of Christ and to be his witnesses in our daily lives. 

1. Lent 2016: "I desire mercy not sacrifice" (Mat 9:13) The works of mercy on the road of the Jubilee
2. XXXI World Youth Day message: Blessed are the merciful, they shall obtain mercy (Mat 5:7)

To Adore.

I just sit there looking at her; she's been the one person I love, the one person whom I can sacrifice my life for. I just sit down and stare at her, admiring how her hair falls of her neck, how her nose wrinkles a little as she laughs and how she taps the table slightly as a sign that she's a little hungry.

The amazing thing about all of this is that I can just stare at her almost all day without a hint of boredom. I can just sit down and adore her all day.

Before you get surprised as to why I am talking about a girl's beauty as seen by the adorer's eye, picture yourself, just staring at something which you find beautiful; may it be the sunset over the hills, your puppy who's just sleeping in his bed, or the car to which you just bought after years of working for it. The act of staring into something in which you love brings a certain happiness to the heart and a calmness to the mind, knowing that such a beauty exists. This is what adoration is, to affectionately admire something or someone.

Now what about adoring the one whom first loved us? The one who loved us so much that He gave his only son (cf John 3:16) and the one whom was willingly prepared to die for us so that we might be saved. Thus the Church around the 13th century (source) allowed us to just sit and admire the beauty of God through what we call the Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament.

Adoration is the first attitude of man acknowledging that he is a creature before his Creator. It exalts the greatness of the Lord who made us and the almighty power of the Savior who sets us free from evil. Adoration is homage of the spirit to the "King of Glory," respectful silence in the presence of the "ever greater" God. Adoration of the thrice-holy and sovereign God of love blends with humility and gives assurance to our supplications.     —Catechism of the Catholic Church, no. 2628

Personally, the Adoration is my favourite devotion; the adoration is in fact a different devotion together as compared to others. All other devotions leads us to God through their own formula while the adoration itself is Jesus physically sitting upon his throne in front of you. It's hard for many to sometimes understand the beauty of adoration, the silence of the entire Church or place staring at the host in the monstrance can mislead the mind to wander off at times, or bring a certain kind of boredom to some; but would you be bored staring at the person you love most? Similarly to staring at God, we admire the creator, and the unique difference of adoring Christ is that when you speak to him through your thoughts, he listens. He knows your inmost thoughts and desires (cf. Psalm 139: 1 -2) and that is the trust that you can have whilst adoring him you can also speak to him.

Similarly as how I can admire the beauty of the person I love and cherish, I too can admire the greatness of the person I owe my being to. As adoring the person I cherish sometimes is not the same the other way round because of the freedom that he or she has, but adoring Him, is a sure thing that he will love you forever (cf Jeremiah 31:3).

If you're Catholic and reading this, I encourage you to go for Adorations, even when he isn't exposed, go and spend time with Him in the Blessed Sacrament; there's nothing more beautiful than being in the presence of the one who loves us and whom we love.

Facing God together.

What's the first thought that comes to your mind when looking at this picture below?

Image taken from www.ipadre.net.
Here we can see five concelebrating Priests and a deacon. 

Now is this the expression that you will give or fellow Catholics would give, as shown below?

Common reactions received if you show a Priest celebrating ad orientem

Probably so, Now what exactly is the Priest doing in the picture above? Yes he is saying the Mass, but I think the more specific question is "why". Why because the Priest who is in persona Christi (Now if that Latin phrase scares you, it means in the person of Christ; your catechism should have taught you this) is saying the Mass as he would 50 plus years ago.  

Before I go on, I have three important points to make:

First and foremost this post is entirely my viewpoint on the Mass. I don't intend to create any discontinuity or teach some outdated teaching (which in fact it is never outdated at all). Furthermore I don't wish to be smarter than any Priests or faith formation persons who think what I am about to share is considered old fashion and backwards. 

Secondly, my background is growing up in a Malaysian Catholic culture, where the liturgy and the Mass is thought in catechism classes but at the end of Form 5, ask any Catholic youth to where do we genuflect to or what is the anamnesis is, or simply, what language is the Kyrie Eleison is, and they would fumble and doubt all their 11 years of attending Sunday (or in my case, Saturday evening) school. For most of my faith formation came from my mother and later on through friends who exposed the real beauty of the Mass.

Finally third and most importantly get to know the word: ad orientem, it's Latin for "to the east". Looking through and through the Sunday Missal, and through Sacrosanctum Concilium never has it said that a the Priest should face the people like how he does now. I don't intend to debate on why he does it, I'm just stating a fact. Basically when the Mass is said ad orientem-ly it means that the Priest together with the people are worshiping God togethere, it does not make the Mass a non-community meal as some people teach (though it is never mentioned that the Mass is a meal per se).

Ok, if this already heavy for you, let me be easy on you. Back in the days (pre-Vatican II) the Priest faces away from you, though that is true it isn't the intention or reason, in fact, he is facing God together with you. After Vatican II, that somehow changed and now the Priest is facing towards you and his back towards God (where if the tabernacle is behind the Priest's back). 

A Capuchin priest once told me that the reason the Priest was facing his back, was so that when people saw him, and only saw his back they would also gaze up and look at the Cross which is a reminder of what their faith is all about. 

Altar of Holy Rosary Church, Brickfields. Where not only the upward gaze is
towards the son but it can also be towards His mother.

So what's the fuss about?

The fuss is this; it's not about whether the Priest is facing you so that he can keep an eye contact with you, or you can see what he is doing, in fact it goes deeper whereby the theology of it is that when the Priest is facing away he is actually leading you, as a shepherd towards God. Also, it adds a sense of a mystery of faith to the Mass. Also, when he faces towards God, it will add a sense of sacred dignity for the celebration, not in any way that facing you can't. 

Finally my question is this? Why are Priests and faith formators so afraid of this way of saying the Mass? Perhaps if we really thought and catechise people on the Mass being a sacrifice, a celebration to commemorate Jesus' passion, death and glorious resurrection and not as Pope Francis puts it a "social event" perhaps people would learn to appreciate the Mass altogether. 

To sum it up this simple picture depicts everything that is said:

Do read on below for more on this stigma of saying the Mass

• Offering the Novus Ordo ad orientem
• The Normativity of Ad Orientem Worship according to the Ordinary Form's Rubrics

I do fear that some people would come up and ask, so by this way, it will make you more holy? Truth be told, no, it will not make you more holy - yet (though THAT is the goal) but it will add to the meaning of the Mass and eventually lead you to think on what the Mass actually is. The Mass, as many has forgotten is not something we come for fun or something frivolous that can be taken lightly with special additions and whatnot, it is the culmination of our beliefs and a remembrance of all those who would die for it.  

A little look at death.

There was once a quote that I came across that loosely goes like this:

"When one person dies, a great book is lost forever"

Everyone has a story, no matter how dull or grey their lives are or otherwise, every single person be it an infant or a person over a hundred - their lives is a story. Analogically speaking every person is described as a book, and where ever we go, as long there exists a community there exist a library, a plethora of books, if you put in a place like Malaysia and pick let's say a small town there exists a library of many genres. 

Why the looking at death suddenly? The reason is because death is a natural part of life for a saying goes "For life we are uncertain but death it is for sure". Everything and everyone will die, that is the continous reality of the law of nature. This insight of death is to reflect on life, and how are we to spend our lives as to one day end up dying.

In this first part of looking at death, we would look into the "books" each one of us are. We call ourselves books because we are constantly writing  our stories. Every single day is a story to write, the dullness or bore of the day, or the exciting adventures we have from the moment we open our eyes to the time we close it is a new page in our book; when something takes a turn in our lives we then call that a chapter in our books. 

Each person's story is as unique as to themselves. Not only because of what the person goes through physically but more importantly is what the person perceives about something. Picture this, two people with very similar background from terms of ethnic and the way they are brought up can have very different opinions about how their community should be governed. The opinion, the perception or the viewpoint of the person is what adds into the story of one's life. The beauty of this is the concept of a free will, the freedom in which we are given to think; this is what gives our individuality. 

Now when death comes to a person, the book finally closes, the final sentences are written, and the reference list is added and index compiled just before the back cover closes. All of whatever is written is then lost to eternity. No matter how much one can account of the one who has passed, they will never get the same book ever again. For that reason that is why there is the reference list and the index, it is where after death, people continually to talk about the deceased. One might die like a superstar who died of an overdose, where people will talk about his sad way to go or die a martyr and how he sacrificed his life for others or in something he believes in; the book actually really never closes. What closes are the main chapters of that person's life. 

That is why no matter what a person is going through, everyone has their story to tell, pivoting that is what goes in their mind that makes it right for them - the subtle emphasis in their own lives, the usage of punctuation and perhaps pictographs in their pages. 

Never give up the chance to continue writing in your book; the question might occur on who then might read it? The person you share your adventures with.

"Jesus, have pity on me"

In preparation for the Extraordinary Year of Mercy which is about a month and a half away, the Gospel reading from last Sunday is an amazing example on the love and mercy of God. This Sunday's Gospel is taken from Mark chapter 10 verses 46 to 52; it tell of a blind beggar named Bartimaeus who calls out to Jesus to heal him. Whilst calling out some of the disciples silenced him but he persisted and kept calling on Jesus. When Jesus heard him, he called him and asked what does Bartimaeus want, he said he wanted to see again, and as simple as that, Jesus made him see again thanks to his faith.

When listening to this Gospel a few perspective on our faith came to mind. I really love this Gospel, because it opens up an invitation for us on how to receive the mercy and healing power of God. Furthermore, it shows a practical, so to say, guide on how to actually receive that mercy and healing; a clear method.

"Bartimaeus (that is, the son of Timaeus), a blind beggar, was sitting at the side of the road."

First and foremost, let us compare ourselves to the poor Bartimaeus  - we know that he is blind, we know that since he is blind, he is considered an outcast of some sort in the community, whatmore than that is he needs something to cure him. Now take that example and compare to us, how blind are we? Blind spiritually? Blindness is also a reflection on what we are lacking of in our lives; this blindness however is not something we ignore, it is actually something we know that lacks in us yet there isn't something we can do about it because we don't know how or the chance hasn't passed us yet.

"When he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to shout and to say, ‘Son of David, Jesus, have pity on me.'"

Now is when we that opportunity comes walking by, the answer that we have been looking and yearning for. When we know that the chance of renewing ourselves is at hand, we reach out to it, only to find that...

"And many of them scolded him and told him to keep quiet, but he only shouted all the louder.."

Here we look at the obstacles in which hinders us from getting that grace, that healing power which we require so much. Reflecting on our lives, we will look at this on how the people around us or the environment itself pulls us away from getting to be our better selves. Look at it this way, deep in our hearts we know we want to change, to become the better self, but do we receive the support we get from our family or friends, our colleagues or even fellow-Church goers? Sometimes the hindrance from others retracts us from being that better self, yet we need to be like Bartimaeus and continue to shout because...

"Jesus stopped and said, ‘Call him here.’ So they called the blind man. ‘Courage,’ they said ‘get up; he is calling you.’"

And that is how we receive God's grace; the invitation that Jesus calls towards us. After calling us to him, Jesus asked the man

"What do you want me to do for you?"

It is not that Jesus does not know what you want, here is stating that, in order to receive the grace of God, we need to be sure of what we need. Bertimaeus knew it, because he was blind, similar to ourselves, upon receiving the invitation of God's love, are we sure and bold enough to ask what we really need? Are we certain that what we need is going to make us the better person we long to be?  When asked this question to ourselves, be sure that we be honest and more importantly direct.

"Master, let me see again.’
 Jesus said to him, ‘Go; your faith has saved you.’ And immediately his sight returned..."
This is where we tell Him our desire, our need of healing. And in the many times Jesus has said this (Luke 7:50, Luke 17:19, cf Mark 5:43), it is clear that our faith in him, our belief in him, is the key for us to receive the blessings and healing we require. 

"... and he followed him along the road."
Then again, the receiving is not just enough; like many people we might know, yes they have accepted Jesus but the harder part is following him. Living it up to the teachings of the Gospel is no easy feat; receiving God's grace is easier with faith, but living it up to it is where we fail. That is why we must always be like this poor Bartimaeus and keep calling out to Jesus to heal, and upon receiving that healing, keep on the journey with Him. 

In addition to that, here are another two wonderful reflection on this week's Sunday Gospel:
Word to Life - October 25, and
Deacon's bench - Homily for 30th Sunday

A biblical advice on solving problems with someone.

Today's Gospel puts it almost perfectly on how to solve problems with someone. It takes on four approaches:

First, talk to your "brother", speak, reason and dialogue with him. Settle it between the both of you. If in the end, you and him reason things out, then it is solved!

Second, if step one fails, bring along another person or two, to settle it with him/her. Speak it out, dialogue and reason once more. Hear another person's point-of-view; what more get a person who's wiser and you know has dealt with a problem similar to what you to have.

Third, if approach number two fails, bring it to the community. Community meaning the bigger picture - bring him to court if it comes to that, or round up the groups and circle involved. Sort things out, discuss, and once again dialogue.

Finally if all else fails, "treat him like a pagan or a tax collector." As harsh as it may sound, this means that the problem with this person is beyond help. So what to do if it reaches here? Simple, do like what Jesus did, forgive them (see Luke 18:13), make sure to reason with them and most of all let them know what they are doing is not correct - be sure to justify why,  and above all pray for them. 

The practical guide provided by Jesus can easily be related to; when dealing with a person, it is always wise to reason out on what and why the person did what he did. It's best that problems between people can be solved through understanding, at the smallest point is to always solve it before it gets too large. Furthermore, the four approaches is not necessarily a procedural approach, it can also depend on the gravity of the wrong doing. The most important approach is always to keep in mind to do it with gentleness and respect (1 Peter 3:15).

"Jesus said, ‘If your brother does something wrong, go and have it out with him alone, between your two selves. If he listens to you, you have won back your brother. If he does not listen, take one or two others along with you: the evidence of two or three witnesses is required to sustain any charge. But if he refuses to listen to these, report it to the community; and if he refuses to listen to the community, treat him like a pagan or a tax collector." - Matthew 15:18-17 

A hint of mercy.

"In short, we are called to show mercy because mercy has first been shown to us. Pardoning offences becomes the clearest expression of merciful love, and for us Christians it is an imperative from which we cannot excuse ourselves. At times how hard it seems to forgive! And yet pardon is the instrument placed into our fragile hands to attain serenity of heart. To let go of anger, wrath, violence, and revenge are necessary conditions to living joyfully."

The first line is probably the most special one of all, "because mercy has first been shown to us". The beautiful text taken from Pope Francis' bull on 2016 being the Year of Mercy (you can get it here) is a document proclaiming that next year is a year of understanding but more importantly receiving God's mercy. Because mercy has first been shown to us therefore it is only our right to be merciful and forgiving and having all the Christian values.

But wait!

Isn't this one of the hardest thing to do? To forgive, to understand, to listen, to comprehend, to tolerate and most of all to even love. Too many times, have we preached the word of mercy, but how merciful are we?

Mercy is an act of love, not only love for the other, but it extends as the inherent nature of human. Through mercy is where we experience the basics of human companionship, comfort, and fellowship with one another.

The challenge of mercy sometimes comes at a price; a price that can only be paid with humility and with a feeling of respect for the other person. Most of the time, this challenge arises when we are to show mercy to another person, showing mercy shouldn't be synonymous as a condescending attitude or a "duty" for the sake to care for the person, in fact showing mercy comes from the self offering to and for others so that others might gain from it(see Romans 12:1). Another challenge of mercy is also giving it out to those who need it most. Without going too far - as far as showing mercy to those in poverty and hunger - ask ourselves, who are the people who need mercy from us, in our everyday lives?

Sometimes we overlook this, and we tend to not show the mercy that others crave from us. Now the word "crave" may be strong, but let's reflect, who in our lives do actually crave for it. Another point of view is that sometimes the person who needs mercy from us is our very own self. Self-mercy isn't about pitying ourselves but rather a room we give ourselves to learn from the pain which we ourselves have caused or the pain from which others have given us.

"Perhaps we have long since forgotten how to show and live the way of mercy. The temptation, on the one hand, to focus exclusively on justice made us forget that this is only the first, albeit necessary and indispensable step. But the Church needs to go beyond and strive for a higher and more important goal. On the other hand, sad to say, we must admit that the practice of mercy is waning in the wider culture. In some cases the word seems to have dropped out of use."

Giving what is due.

In this week Sunday's Gospel we read:

"..give back to Caesar what belongs to Caesar - and to God what belongs to God." - Matthew 22: 21

After reading this article,  I can't help to notice that the relationship between this article and that phrase somehow relates.

First let us look who the Prime Minister is. The PM is our elected leader through our democratic system in Malaysia, he is our leader which steers the country to a economically, socially and politically stable nation. The Prime Minister also plays a role in maintaining the peace in our country, moreover he is also the image of Malaysia to the world.

Next, the let's looks at the Archbishop. The Archbishop is the head of the Catholic community here in Kuala Lumpur and acts as the head of the other dioceses also as the Metropolitan. The Archbishop is one of the many successors of the Apostles whom belongs to the college of Bishops. He is our leader in faith, speaking against injustice and the defender of the Catholic faith here in Malaysia, He also is the image of the Catholic Church here in Malaysia.

If you were to read this article you would realise the great differences between what our earthly and civil leader (the PM) had said and what our earthly spiritual leader had said. It may be too early to judge the actions of Archbishop Julian who only took his office for a few weeks as compared to our PM who held it for 6 years already. Nevertheless, through experience and favour, we sometimes wonder if our civil leader has really meant what he said.

As Catholics, Christians, we are to respect both our leaders as what Christ has said. Judging from all that has happened in this country, it is somewhat easy to lose hope and faith in our civil leaders. Sometimes without a doubt we can have anger and even resentment to those whom we have elected to hold office. As what Christ has said by giving back to Caesar what belongs to him, not only this relates to taxes, but also towards the respect we ought to give our civil leaders.

The very same respect we give to God and his workers, as in this case our Archbishop, Priests and those who serve the Lord with their lives.

The frailty of human leadership is that, they will always be judged and always be kept in the limelight, and any crime they do will be criticised and any good they do would also be questioned at times.

By giving to God what belongs to Him and to our leaders what belongs to them means that we should give the respect and honour to what to their due. By no means, should we scowl or to even curse our civil leaders, no matter how bad they are, but rather to pray and have the hope that they might be changed. On another hand, sometimes we too might not like our spiritual leaders. This goes both ways,

When Jesus said to give back what is belonged to the other person, he is saying that everyone deserves the respect and honour according to what their position in the community is, the power they have; it may be contradictory to what they ought to do but nevertheless there's always a reason why they are in that position.

Here's the article from The Ant Daily once again:
http://theantdaily.com/Main/The-moderate-prime-minister-and-the-loving-shepherd

A glimpse of Campus Ministry

The campus ministy. a lay ministry in the Church that covers all universities under the Titular Roman Diocese. In this ministry, we are led by the Bishop himself, followed by the Youth Coordinator and in this case, Father Martin, followed by a Campus Ministry Officer who has his (or her) own team and finally the people of what is called the Penang Diocese Campus Council, a body of students from various universities that make up this council. The council is responsible for ensuring that the Catholic faith is correctly deposited and that students coming from their homes have a platform for students for their Catholic faith.

Last week, for the first time in 4 years, I finally went for a meeting of the PDCC, and I asked myself, why didn't I join before? It was such an interesting journey indeed.

The one thing which caught my attention most was the house below. It doesn't look much but it was called the FM house. A house given by a Priest to the Diocese and now it belonged to the Campus Ministry.

The amazing part about this house is that it is free to use by any campus student, all they have to do is apply to the Campus Ministry. Sadly though, the house was too relaxing that I forgot to take pictures of the inside. 

So what did we do over the weekend?

First of all, we managed to watch two movies: Soul Surfer and Letters to God, two movies that was to show about how much praying and having faith in God matters in our lives.

Secondly, we discussed matters pertaining to the Campus Ministry. Matters like camps, formations and the AGM which would be coming up soon. 

One of the main highlights of the weekend was going to Gurney Paragon. A newly built mall, around the old St. Joseph's novitiate that was ran by the La Salle brothers. It was part of the Catholic history in Malaysia.

What I learned from this meeting amazingly, was the sharing we shared around the dinner table. The problem faced by many students in each campuses. Also another highlight would be Kevin's our Campus Minister, sharing on his journey for the Asian Youth Day. The way he described from seeing the Pope at a very close distance was very enlightening. He described that when he saw the Pope, he had the same kind of joy when holding a child in your hands. He described the Pope was such a joyous man with a constant smile on his face.

Another sharing from Kevin, was the way the Korean Catholics were martyred for their faith. The martyrs were recently canonised by Pope Francis on his visit there. The martyrs were martyred in the 1800s. 

It was an enlightening weekend and I do look forward to the next meeting.

A little shaky picture of our fellowship.

Lastly, the Pope shared this message during one of his public speeches during the AYD and I think it is good for reflection:

"Remember that you are Asian!"

St. Anne's overrated?

27th July 2013- 

The feast of St. Joachim and St. Anne, parents of the blessed Virgin Mary and the grandparents of Jesus Christ. 

One of the most significant Catholic feast days in Malaysia would probably be this feast day; the feast of St. Anne and St. Joachim, but why do I say it is overrated, please note the question mark too. First of all, this is probably (and most likely) the biggest Catholic gathering in Malaysia throughout the year, no other feasts, or festivity can gather as many Catholics and non-Christians to this one place. History has it that the apparition of St. Anne, mother of the Blessed Virgin Mary appeared atop St. Anne hill, and the rest is history. 

Now why would I say it is overrated? 

Thousand, if not tens-of thousands all over South-East Asia flock to this place for the feast of St. Anne and at this time of year all make pledges, deals, devotions and even vow to St. Anne for something. Now I am not going to say it is wrong to do so, but my point is that everyone has created the image that this feast is so momentous that they (I can say I assume) forget the focus of the idea of St. Anne as the grandmother and mediator to Christ Jesus, who we believe is also God the almighty. 

How many go for the feast for a conversion of heart? 

How many go for the feast not for the grandeur but for the devotion made to the Saint?

How many go for the feast in the hope of finding salvation?

Now those are opinionated questions, no specific answers but rather to be answered by one person alone: yourself. This momentous feast plays an impact to many people, but I always wondered, what does the feast bring to the heart, or rather to the eternal soul?

I am not criticizing, I am just curious the great commotion made for this feast that people would actually know what they are doing when going for the feast. Next up, I would really love to know the history of how it came about. 

Last words: Did anyone remember good ol' St. Joachim?