Now I know why.

Now I know why,
It's easier to lose faith,
when faith lies in men rather than God.

Now I know why,
It's easier to run to the heretics*,
when they show more love than the true believers.

Now I know why,
communities and society fall,
when people glorify self rather than self-sacrifice.

Now I know why, 

It's easier to distrust holy men and women, 

when they themselves don't practice what they preach. 

Now I know why,
It's better to conform,
when being honest seems wrong.

Now I know why,
It's better to follow,
when leading leads people astray.

And now I know why,
Our Lord and all His Saints wept, when people sin,
It's not because they couldn't change, it's because the world didn't.

*using this word might lead to some anger for some, but this refers to those who are, well, disbelieve in the one true Church.

Hearts burning like fire - the need for a constant renewal of faith.

In this week's Sunday Gospel, we read the infamous story of Jesus suddenly appearing to Cleophas and another disciple when they were walking to Emmaus. Now this story only appears in St. Luke's Gospel. This account proves an interesting relationship that Jesus has with his followers. Even when He has risen, He still shows that He is still among His people.

In some scholars' opinion when one walks away from Jerusalem as the two disciples did; the theological significance is that their hearts is away from God, or rather drifting away, because Jerusalem is the center of God's presence, being the temple and all. So metaphorically speaking, when one were to look at our own lives, how far are we drifting from Jerusalem?

Now in this Gospel account, the one obvious phrase that catches my attention the most is when the two said to themselves that their "hearts were like on fire!" when our Blessed Lord spoke to them. You know for many of us, especially those after attending a formation or camp, it is usually like this - we would be invigorated, and determined to go and spread the Gospel to (almost) everyone. Camps and formations and even simple gatherings among the faithful can provide this "heart-burning" experience; the challenge then arises later on when after being "burnt" for awhile, little that we know we start "walking away from Jerusalem" again. You see, this is what happens to the most of us, this "fire" in our hearts after awhile goes dim and though still there is like ember, hot yet just glowing; then we go back to our ordinary - to be straight - sinful lives again.

The need for - as some people say, "put oil" - is important because without the reigniting of our heart's flame, we will drift further from God. I don't mean that we don't believe in Him, but we tend to become complacent about our faith. Just like the apostles break bread and shared their time together, it is important that we too do the same. We may never be as privileged as the apostles, these two disciples nor the Saints to whom our Blessed Lord appeared to, but He appears in the persons around us, sometimes in the most unlikely manner. All we need is to open our eyes, and of course, don't be afraid of continuing to go for formations, camps, gatherings and daily Mass.

Never let the fire die in your heart. Make it burn, you see, after their conversation with Jesus, the both despite it being night which is obviously dangerous, ran back and went to find the Apostles. So we too must be like them, when our hearts are reignited, we too must run back to God, run back to our friends and family and continue to proclaim the Gospel.

Make it more of a relationship

You are sitting with her in the local park, it's almost 11pm, there are other people running around at that time of night, and there's also a group of other people sitting in a circle sharing some life story; yet there you are with her sitting in the silence, only the street lamp lighting up her face, the both of you quietly not speaking, it goes on. Every time you glance at her, you can't help to smile. The emotions shared through the silence is more than enough. 

The best kind of relationship one can have is just being able to stay silent for long periods of time and yet stay more than connected.

That is the relationship we must try to attain with God. 

The one thing that one can compare a relationship with God is a relationship with our loved one. The person we cherish most and adore and love can also be related to our relationship with our creator. It is hard to imagine or to allow such a relationship to manifest by itself but like how we love a person, loving God is not much different. It is safe to say that we can have an affair with Him and things will go as if we were with someone. 

I seriously love the quote as said by Gilbert above, we don't love someone just based on certain facts or logic but because when we love we lose the most basic of reasoning sometimes and gain one of the hardest things a person can have: faith and hope. Yes, there are facts to love that person, like looks, how he or she treats you, finance, dependability but when feelings and emotions come in, sometimes all that seem irrational. That is the beauty of falling in love. 

Think about it. How can this possible? 

It is possible when we don't seek answers, not objective statements but a relationship where we learn to understand, tolerate and most of all to forgive each other. It is the same as having a relationship with God, we learn to understand His ways for us, we learn to tolerate all the things especially challenges that come our way, and also to forgive God in a way that sometimes we lose our trust in Him. 

Learn to love God as you were to love your better half, and you will see things to be more of a two-way relationship rather than praying and receive nothing or being oblivious to how He speaks to us through everyday events. 

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This will be the first part of my sharing of  how can a relationship with God be similar with our partner, different yet also similar. 

Keeping silent - a little look at meditation.

Today I decided to say my Lauds (Morning Prayer) in Church at about 7.30am. The sun has barely risen over the hills here in Kampar and there I was at Church in the early morning. The Church was dark, the only light was the little sunlight passing through the Church's window and the red lamp for the presence of Jesus in the tabernacle.

After reciting my Lauds, I tried to meditate.

Meditation is a form of keeping silent and being one with your thoughts, to be in company of nothing but silence and in a comfortable position whereby you get to think and ponder. Many people get the notion that meditation is a deep focus on something; which is true, but sometimes meditation can also lead your mind to stray a little; and that what happened to me this morning.

Despite being strayed in mind, it was directed to parts of my life I usually wouldn't want to think of, and it was also directed to things I tend to overthink. For example, one of the thoughts that came to me was what would happen if I were to met in an accident while a friend is beside me, and another is a thought of actually completing my assigned work on time! The straying of thoughts does not mean one is distracted, it actually gives a certain kind of enlightenment to the mind. It provides a sense of thinking of a what-if, and it gives a clarity of thoughts.

So, if you're reading this, try to meditate, let your mind run wild, but keep focus as to what it runs into. Try it in the early morning, don't be afraid of dozing off, because once in deep meditation as asleep as you might look, your mind is actually running as if you're dreaming. Best of all, if there is nothing coming to your mind just "Whoever has ears, let them hear!" - Matthew 11:15.

Dawn - the sun rising behind the hills

The struggle of love

"...By this love you have for one another, everyone will know you are my disciple". 

The Priest stands in silence for awhile, hands together, eyes closed, head bowed; he then looks up and says "The Gospel of the Lord", he bows down to kiss the Gospel while echoing throughout the Church, everyone  says "Praise to you, Lord Jesus Christ" and everyone sits down. 

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 By this love you have for one another, everyone will know you are my disciple. 

Those words kept playing over and over again in my head. "Everyone will know you are my disciple". Looking back a few sentences, Jesus exclaims 

"...love one another, just as I have loved you, you must also love one another."

By reading these lines itself, the challenge by Jesus poses by itself, and that comes in the form of one simple yet powerful word: love.

Love is a struggle, because, love is not merely a feeling of affection or care, on the contrary, love encompasses action, thoughts and moreover, sacrifice. It's a package of multiple feelings that are in place that is complemented together with the outward action. 

Thousands if not millions of people have dwelt with the topic of love. In his latest exhortation itself by His Holiness Pope Francis, the word "love" appears almost 540 times. The emphasis of love from the Christian perspective is the core and primary value of our faith, because it was through love that we exist this very day. 

The challenge of love is a difficult challenge, we cannot call ourselves a Christian, or a Jesus-loving-person if we lack love. Love not only for God, but for other people. The challenge comes when we have to constantly reflect and imitate the love we have for God by the actions, thoughts and feelings we have for others. 

God is never physically present in our midst, save for the Eucharist, he can never intervene directly in our lives, most of the time; and that is where God through his love puts us in a community with others. By placing us in the midst of other people; this is where we can experience the love of God and at the same time share His love to others. The love of God comes from the people around us, whom loves us and care for us; our supporters and those who encourage us. Despite this, we sometimes find it very difficult to acknowledge the love these people have for us. The ones we call "loved-ones" tend to be part of the reflection of God's love for us. Though imperfect as they are, they play a part in God's love for us by giving to us what is necessary and provident. 

The greater struggle is to have the same kind of love, towards the people whom we call our "enemies", if that's such a strong word, then to those people we aren't in favour of, despise, or sometimes out-right abhor. Yet, if we call ourselves a believer of Christ, we can make no room for this kind of negativity towards them. That's the struggle we face as humans. By saying this, I don't mean we have to treat them the same way we treat our "loved-ones", rather, we have to treat them the way that God would, and that's through forgiveness and mercy. 

How can we?

It's difficult. To see the person who isn't inclined to follow the rules; or to see a person who goes all out in hurting others, how can we love them? We can't. 

In a human way, we simply can't put aside our feelings and immediately give them the love we have in ourselves. The Christian challenge comes in when, we have to remind ourselves that they deserve what is due. This means, seeing as to why they do what they do. Furthermore, by seeing this, the heart of mercy has to come enter into us, by going the further step and journeying with them to provide the love of God that they deserve. 

For other to know that one is a disciple comes from the way we treat others, from the littlest things to the major sacrifices we make. This not necessarily comes only by actions towards them, but also our thoughts and perspective of them, how we gossip and slander about them and also our prayers for them. It's easier putting on a show towards the people we dislike, the refugees or asylum-seekers in our country, those people considered "lower" than us in a social-standpoint and help them. But like said before, love isn't just the action, it encompasses everything that we feel, and believe. 

As hard as it is, 

"Love always has an aspect of deep compassion that leads to accepting the other person as part of this world, even when he or she acts differently than I would like." - Amoris Laetitia, 92.

On not recognising the ones we know.

Picture this:

You know a close male friend who has almost shoulder length hair, he has an easily recognisable goatee and a stubble all over his cheek right to his chin, he wears those rounded-frame glasses and has a stud ear ring on his right ear. 

Passing by, people would tend to say he looks rather shabby and scruffy, some would nod and approve it as a hipster look, and finally some might find it unclean. 

Then the same guy friend, with you having no knowledge of it, decides to cut his hair, go clean shaven, replaces his glasses with a slimmer and slightly horn-rimmed frame one and remove his ear ring. Lastly, he decides to wear a long sleeve fitting t-shirt tucked in into slacks. 

He comes to you, and starts waving from a distance, wide-smiled and the first thing that comes to your mind is "Who is that?!", you smile back being friendly, as he approaches you start to think and recall that you've seen this person before, but can't place him anywhere; he finally stands right in front of you, and asks you, "Are you okay?". You finally give out a loud laugh and tell yourself how foolish you are by not even recognising your own friend. 

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When Jesus was risen from the dead, there were more than one time that the His disciples were oblivious to his physical presence. (Just take a look at Mark 16:9-14, the infamous walk to Emmaus in Luke 24:13 - 33 and even in today's Gospel of John 21:1-14). It comes to mind then, what made them blind to see the one whom they love so much literally appear in front of them and yet the couldn't even recognise Him?

After the death of Jesus, the followers scattered and some might even lose hope, despite Him promising eternal life to them. Knowing that He had died brings grief and a sense of predicament to the followers as to why a person who claims to be the Son of God and more importantly the Messiah would abandon them and leave them in the same state that they were. Even those closest to Him such as his dear apostles too, went back to their previous lives. 

By them not recognising the risen Lord, shows that even the Apostles and closest followers of Jesus at a time lost faith in Him; lose their confidence in the Risen Lord and were mourning so much that it made them blind when He was standing in front of them. 

This then brings us to ourselves. Like the apostles who couldn't recognise Jesus after His resurrection, how often are we blind to the goodness of others. The risen Christ is analogous to the goodness of the people around us. We are thought to see Christ in all that we do, and in all that we meet; how then are we sometimes oblivious to the things that they do in His name. 

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In dealing with the everyday world, we often find that goodness and kindness and mercy, hard to come by. We are blinded by the stain of being judgmental and moreover the prejudice of someone we already detest. By doing so, we are not only losing our faith in Christ and others, but also putting a stint on His love for us by not radiating the grace which He has given. 

This is definitely easier said than actually doing it. Recognising the good in others is a challenge we all face; in fact for example, there are many times where our civil leaders put on a show and facade of charity only to be swindling our money, or when a lay Church leader praying fervently and only to find him rushing out of Mass while cussing; away from that, worse of all is to see sometimes the people to whom we are closest to, becoming someone we don't recognise, someone whom we fear and as much as it hurts to draw away from them. Despite that, the faith we have in Christ should always be open and to recognise the goodness that they still have. 

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The cheeks on the apostles' face could have hurt greatly upon seeing the Christ in their midst again. What joy it must have been to them to have breakfast with Him. 

The Passionate Christ part 1

We are approaching the Passion of our Lord, this week marks the supreme celebration of the Christian faith, for Catholics no other celebration ranks higher than this; everything central to the Christian faith be it Orthodox, Protestants or even Catholics can deny that in these celebration of the Passion, Death and Resurrection is the epitome of God's love for humanity. 

As we begin, the Easter Triduum,  - a one large celebration over the span of three days - as Catholics call it, we begin with the Holy Thursday, followed by Good Friday and finally Easter itself. The passionate Christ, shows how a man of dedication and vigour to fulfill what needs to be done i.e. his mission. 

Now we often here that passion drives a man to achieve something, we also receive the advice from people to find a job that is both rewarding and a job that we're passionate about; how often do we also hear that passion gives way to two people falling in love for each other. Albeit all of this, how often do we hear that our passion will lead us to our death? This is the case for our Lord. This is the case for all those martyrs and heroes who gave up their lives for others. 

Passion is always seen as something for ourselves, something that will invigorate and make us more alive, even to those doing works of charities like NGOs and missionaries, what drives them is how seeing how their work fuels their passion. The result of their labour and dedication produces what they want to see, even so, through their hard work sometimes failure do hurt, despite that they know if they try harder, they will eventually achieve what they aspire to do. 

Now we look on to Christ; his Passion redefines the Passion as something new. His Passion was at his own lost, to lose everything that he has or ever had for us. Jesus died knowing that the world wasn't going to change, he died knowing the Jews were still hard-hearted in listening to him, moreover he also knew that by conquering death people might still not believe in Him and His Father. Then again, what gain did Christ himself get as a man? What he got wasn't for himself, rather it was for us. For us to have the hope of eternal salvation and forgiveness; by his sacrifice, we are all brought together as one.

The difference between our passion and the Passion of Christ, is the feeling or the gain of what we get. Our human passion, is mostly for ourselves, no matter how noble sometimes the work can or how much we enjoy it, at the end it is for our own gain; comparatively for Christ, it was not for himself but for all of us, to all of us who believe in Him and providing the hope and way to a better life. 

This begs then how are we to follow in Christ's footsteps? To simply put it, when our passion to do something, becomes less for ourselves but more for others, then it is our turn to really experience Christ. This passion that we have like Christ, is a passion that will drive ourselves for the betterment for others; sometimes knowing that others will despise us, mock us, losing certain hope within ourselves or even seeing that this will yield no fruit; yet we continue to carry on - is the Passion similar to Christ.